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There are 57 jokes in English or French... Have fun !

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Un jeune Arabe demande a son Pere: Dis Papa? Quoi mon fils? dit le Pere,
Et be c'est quoi ce chapeau bizarre que l'on a sur la tete?
C'est un burnouth, que dans le desert ca protege ta tete du soleil, dit le Pere,
C'est bien, dit le fils! dit Papa? quoi mon fils?
Et be c'est quoi cette sorte de robe que l'on porte?
C'est le burka, que c'est dans le disert y fait fort chaud et c'est pour proteger ton corps, dit le Pere,
C'est bien dit le fils, dit Papa? quoi mon fils?
C'est quoi ses chaussures pas tres jolies que l'on porte aux pieds?
Ah ca, c'est des babouches, c'est pour quand tu vas dans le desert pour pas bruler tes pieds,
C'est bien dit le fils, dit Papa?
Quoi encore mon fils?

Alors pourquoi on habite en France???

A beautiful blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighbourhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. 'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said, 'How much will you charge me?' Delighted, the girl quickly responded, 'How about 50?' The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, 'Does she realise that our porch goes ALL the way around the house? That's a bit dishonest, isn't it?' The man replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately.' Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. 'You're finished already?' the startled husband asked. 'Yes', the blonde replied, 'and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.' Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the 50.00 and handed it to her along with a ten-pound tip. 'And by the way,' the blonde added, 'it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus'.

Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure because of the following:
In EASTERN EUROPE they didn't know what "HONEST" meant.
In WESTERN EUROPE they didn't know what "SHORTAGE" meant.
In AFRICA they didn't know what "FOOD" meant.
In CHINA they didn't know what "OPINION" meant.
In the MIDDLE EAST East they didn't know what "SOLUTION" meant.
In SOUTH AMERICA they didn't know what "PLEASE" meant.
In the U.S. they didn't know what "THE REST OF THE WORLD" meant.
In AUSTRALIA they hung up because they couldn't understand the INDIAN ACCENT.

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that because it was Everbody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done. These four "people" live at my house, do they live at yours too?

80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention. The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?" A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!" Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!" The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?" The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened, the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!" The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?" The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?". Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"

An elderly man was walking through the French countryside, admiring the beautiful spring day, when over a hedgerow he spotted a young couple making love in a field. Getting over his initial shock he said to himself, "Ah, young love... ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers... C'est magnifique!" and continued to watch, remembering good times. Suddenly he drew in a gasp and said, "Mais... Sacre bleu! Ze woman - she is dead!" and he hurried along as fast as he could to the town to tell Jean, the police chief. He came, out of breath, to the police station and shouted, "Jean...Jean zere is zis man, zis woman ... naked in farmer Gaston's field making love." The police chief smiled and said; "Come, come, Henri you are not so old; remember ze young love, ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers? Ah, L'amour! Zis is okay." "Mais non! You do not understand; ze woman, she is dead!" Hearing this, Jean leapt up from his seat, rushed out of the station, jumped on his bike, pedaled down to the field, confirmed Henri's story, and pedaled all the way back non-stop to call the doctor: "Pierre, Pierre, ... this is Jean, I was in Gaston's field; zere is a young couple naked 'aving sex " . To which Pierre replied,"Jean, I am a man of science. You must remember, it is spring, ze air, ze flowers, Ah, L'amour! Zis is very natural." Jean, still out of breath, grasped in reply, "NON, you do not understand; ze woman, she is dead!" Hearing this, Pierre exclaimed, "Mon dieu!" grabbed his black medicine bag; stuffed in his thermometer, stethoscope, and other tools; jumped in the car; and drove like a madman down to Gaston's field. After carefully examining the participants he drove calmly back to Henri and Jean, who were waiting at the station. He got there, went inside, smiled patiently, and said,"Ah, mes amis, do not worry. Ze woman, she is not dead, she is British"

1. He never got married.
2. He never held a steady job.
3. His last request was a drink.

1. His first name was Jesus.
2. He was always in trouble with the law.
3.His mother didn't know who his father was.

1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He worked in the building trades.

1. He called everybody brother.
2. He had no permanent address.
3. Nobody would hire him.

1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot.
3. He invented a new religion.

1. He went into his father's business.
2. He lived at home until the age of 33.
3. He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God.

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